Thanks to the polar vortex—or rather, vortices—last winter was one of the harshest on record. While it’s yet unknown where this season will land in the annals of icy doom, you can never be too prepared. Here are our top picks for taming winter’s fury.
1. Tracked Model T
In the early 20th century, most rural mail carriers relied on horses and sleds for mail delivery, but a few enterprising folks came up with kits to convert automobiles for snow duty. Given the rugged nature (they still use Model T pickups for general maintenance on the grounds of the Henry Ford Museum and Greenfield Village) and ubiquity of the Ford Model T, it was only natural that the majority of the professionally manufactured kits would be aimed at Ford’s legendary T. It may be crude, but its bag-of-hammers simplicity will come in handy when the only tools you have to perform a repair are a pair of vice grips, a reel of baling wire, and the wisdom of the Inuit.
2. Vintage Bombardier Snow Coach
Even if you hate winter, you still have to love the retro-modern look of the Bombardier Snow Coach. Originally diesel-powered and used in Canada’s most unforgiving polar terrain, a handful of these track-driven coaches have been updated and adopted for use in and around Yellowstone Park. Roll into town during a blizzard—to get a Blizzard, maybe—in one of these babies and locals will be positively convinced the snow-Martians have landed. But they’ll probably still ask for a ride.
3. Volkswagen Touareg Tracked “Snowareg”
Take an already capable snow vehicle—VW uses Touaregs as rescue and recovery vehicles at its winter driving facility in Sweden—and outfit it with tracks, and you're ready to ride out any Snowpocalypse in leather-lined comfort. Protip: Don’t forget the Grizzly Bear CDs, bearskin rug, and peppermint schnapps for midnight rendezvous with snow bunnies while waiting for the sun to return.
4. Thiokol Spryte Snowcat
Many companies have manufactured snowcat-type vehicles over the years, but the Thiokol Spryte is the one that Shelley Duvall used to escape the fictitious Overlook Hotel in the movie adaptation of Steven King’s “The Shining.” For that reason alone the Spryte is our snowcat of choice. Adding to the Spryte’s notoriety is the fact that the Thiokol Corporation at one point sold the Snowcat division to none other than John Z. DeLorean, a man who knew a thing or two about mounds of white stuff.
5. Ken Block’s Insane Ford F-150 SVT RaptorTRAX
There’s not much to say here beyond what we’ve already stated in previous coverage: As tracked vehicles go, this is the top dawg on our list for performance, but sneak attacks are out of the question.
6. The Fordson Snow Motor Tractor
Why bother with tracks or tires when you can simply use a dead-nuts-reliable screw drive? Not only will you be a hit with the steampunk crowd, you can julienne a helluva salad with the giant, auger-like torpedoes it rides on. Just make sure to keep your extremities free of the working bits—bloody stumps are totally out this year.
7. Snowmobile
Duh, they call them “snowmobiles” for a reason. (OK, some call them “snow machines,” but you get the point.) Many brands are available, but you can’t go wrong with Ski-Doo’s Expedition SE. With a hearty 1200-cc four-stroke under the hood and room for a passenger and some survival gear, you'll have plenty to smile about as you blast past miles of stuck and abandoned cars on the highway. Suckers!
8. Side-by-Side UTV with Studded Tires
We haven’t exactly tried it, but both of our tests of side-by-sides in the mud lead us to believe that such a vehicle sporting massive studs on its tires might be just the ticket for navigating the frozen byways of our new permafrost reality. Just don’t forget to double up on the thermals and ammo.
9. De Havilland Beaver
When travel by land fails, take to the air. Sky jockeys have been outfitting the storied single-engine Beaver with skis for decades, landing them in the coldest places on earth. If that isn’t enough of a recommendation, consider that the Royal Canadian Mounted Police use them for patrol, although it’s not clear if the Mountie or the horse flies the plane. Regardless, as a dependable aircraft with a long and storied history and quirky appeal, it offers one advantage that trumps the rest: You can fly the hell out of the Snow Belt, put ’er down in Key West, and run up one mother of a bar tab.
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