Look, we’ll be the first to admit that we have no idea why this car exists, or why we felt the need to mix our ’80s sci-fi fantasy classics by intoning, “TRON, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought, or why we died. All that matters is that two stood against many.” But whatever. Blending TRON and Conan makes about as much sense as a TRON: Legacy-themed Chevy Cruze five-and-a-half years after the film’s original release.
Unveiled at the Beijing Auto Show and developed in conjunction with Disney, the only possible motivation we can think of is that somehow, after more than a half-decade, the flick has finally slipped past rigid Chinese bureaucrats who finally came to terms with the fact that having both young Jeff Bridges and old Jeff Bridges running around in the same virtual reality wouldn’t irredeemably blow the minds of the Middle Kingdom’s populace.
As for the car? It’s basically a just a Cruze with glowing blue outlines. You know, like TRON stuff. Which had us thinking that we’d really like to see a TRON-ified Oldsmobile Aerotech. Perhaps piloted by Mary Barra as she attempts to overthrow the forces of W.A.G.O.N.E.R., A.K.E.R.S.O.N, and Z.A.R.R.E.L.L.A., represented by the Chevy Lumina MPV, the Pontiac Trans Sport, and the Oldsmobile Silhouette, respectively.
A stalwart heroine fighting bad guys in digital Dustbusters? It’s a recipe for can’t-miss entertainment. Just beware of L.U.T.Z. That character will run you over whether he’s on your side or not.
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