Long before any of us actually drove a real car, there were cars we loved. Not real ones, but those in cartoons, on toy-store shelves, and in video games. These are cars and trucks dopey or lovable enough that they’d be irresistible in the real world. The unreality of these vehicles gives them personality.
Sure, some of these have been built as full-size replicas or to function in some film, and the grim realities of actual existence may temper the attraction of some of these vehicles. But, come on, can’t some company with money to burn give it a shot and fire up some assembly lines so we can actually, you know, buy one? Yeah, we’re looking at you, Apple.
Mattel Hot Wheels Sharkruiser
This car is its own kind of brilliant: a shark with a mid-mounted V-8 riding on four wheels. All the mindless menace of nature’s great eating machine combined with the raw power of internal combustion and spectacle of eight individual exhaust pipes. Since 1968, Hot Wheels cars have been the gateway drug for generations of motorheads, but no other car has captured the fantastically awesome potential quite like the Sharkruiser. It has been part of the Hot Wheels line up in various forms since 1987.
George Jetson’s Space Car from The Jetsons
We’ve given this one serious thought. Consider that this flying machine of the future is capable of doing “2500 in a 1250 zone” according to one episode of The Jetsons and yet it folds up neatly into a sleek, vinyl briefcase that's light enough to carry with one hand. So it has to have something like 200,000 horsepower on tap. We also know it runs on “high-octane pellets” and radium and is considered so ordinary in its time—around 2062—that George wants to trade it in on something sexier.
M12 Force Application Vehicle “Warthog” from Halo
Real violence is a terrifying, but in video games it’s just entertaining. And that makes the M12 Force Application Vehicle from Halo one of the most giddily entertaining unreal machines not on Earth. The backbone of the USNC’s transportation system, the Warthog runs a 12.0-liter, liquid-cooled, hydrogen-injected internal-combustion engine of some sort that feeds an infinitely variable transmission. The hull is built of polycarbonate, titanium, and carbon nanotubes to protect the occupants. The learning curve to get the most out of a Warthog is steep, but it likely will always be the most revered vehicle in the history of first-person-shooter gaming.
Fred Flintstone’s Flintmobile
Hanna-Barbera’s prehistoric transportation module is this open phaeton powered “courtesy of Fred’s two feet.” What can’t be explained is how it could steer with stone wheels that run the length of each axle or why sometimes there is a back seat and sometimes there isn’t. Protip: Don’t order the ribs at Bronto Burgers if you want to keep the Flintmobile upright.
Hydra Schmidt Coupe Grau from Captain America: The First Avenger
Conceived for Marvel’s 2011 film, it’s a 16-cylinder behemoth that streaks out across Europe aiding Red Skull in his perpetuation of fascist evil. On his personal site, designer Daniel Simon writes that the “car was explained in the film script to be the fastest road car of its time. Not due to its aerodynamics but its incredible power—a supercharged, 16-cylinder engine . . . At first, I envisioned an extreme car shaped like a 1937 Auto Union Type C streamliner, but I soon understood the film’s director was looking for something classic and upright. A style blend of a Mercedes 540K, a Mercedes G4 off-roader plus some hints of Bentley and Duesenberg turned out to be the perfect language.” Whatever, all Captain America had was a Harley.
The Tumbler from Batman Begins
If you’re old enough, the only Batmobile that matters is the Lincoln Futura that was repurposed for the Caped Crusader in the 1966 TV series. But even if you’re determinedly old school, you have to respect the Tumbler from the 2005 film Batman Begins. And if you’re a kid born in the 21st century, then the Tumbler is the only Batmobile that you really love. It was built by Wayne Enterprises as a bridging vehicle for the military and then twisted into a battle beast for Bruce Wayne’s alter ego. In real life, the first Tumblers built for the film were impressive props that used sprint-car rear tires up front, four massive mudder tires in back, and a Chevrolet small-block V-8 for power. And the detail and quality of construction made it one of the most impressive movie props ever built.
Meyers Manx from Speed Buggy
Hanna-Barbera only produced 16 episodes of this Scooby-Doo knock-off in 1973, but it has kept popping up in various cartoon collections ever since. The series is garbage, but the idea of a dune buggy with the eager-to-please personality of a Labrador retriever, the voice of the great Mel Blanc, and the anthropomorphic ability to lick your face, is compelling.
The Powell Motors Homer from The Simpsons
Unveiled as the “Car of the ’90s,” it was designed by Homer Simpson with every imaginable indulgence. “All my life,” Homer explains in the 1991 second-season episode "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?", “I’ve searched for a car that feels a certain way; powerful like a gorilla, yet soft and yielding like a Nerf ball.” Comprehensively hideous, The Homer features two bubble cockpits, shag carpeting, a horn that plays La Cucaracha and costs $82,000. Of course you want it to exist, even if you don’t want it. (The closest humankind has ever come to an actual Homer is this BMW-based, one-off masterpiece built for to compete in the 24 Hours of LeMons racing series.)
Mutt Cuts Van from Dumb and Dumber
This 1994 classic of stupidity in the service of humor featured a Ford Econoline covered in fur as a mobile dog-grooming business. More than 20 years later, the world is now flooded with mobile dog-grooming businesses and, as far as we know, none of them have a van covered in fur. Look, this is an easy one to make real. Buy an old Econoline—about $3000 for a runner—cover it in fur and big floppy ears, and drive it. If you’ve spent more than five grand to create your own Mutt Cuts Van, you’re doing it wrong.
Rolls-Royce Fab 1 from Thunderbirds
Even children terrified of the marionettes that populated this 1964–66 British science-fiction TV series wanted to be driven in Lady Penelope’s pink, six-wheeled bubble topped Roller. Besides being, well, pink and a Rolls-Royce, Penelope’s Fab 1 was bulletproof and equipped with machine guns, a smokescreen device, and all sorts of other road weapons. Did we mention that it’s pink and has six wheels?
2019 Spinner from Blade Runner
The most surprising thing about the future Los Angeles imagined in 1982’s Blade Runner is that people walk places in it. And if you’ll believe that, then you can believe that in the future police cars will rise vertically and glide almost silently over the city. Designed by Syd Mead, over time the Spinner has become what we all expect a flying car to look like. Even though exactly how the Spinner is supposed to fly is a mystery.
Lightning McQueen from Cars
According to The Los Angeles Times, in the five years between the release of Cars in 2006 and its sequel Cars 2 in 2011, licensed products from the first film had generated “global retail sales approaching $10 billion.” Since then, the onslaught of Cars merchandise has only grown. So even if you don’t care if there’s ever a real talking, grinning stock car going through a problematic adolescence, your kids have already voted with their allowances and Christmas lists. So this one is for them.
Truffdale Adder from Grand Theft Auto V
In the brutal world of Grand Theft Auto V, the meanest of the available road warriors is the Truffdale Adder. For all intents, the Adder is a virtual-world version of the Bugatti Veyron and it has the highest top speed of any car in the game. The Adder doesn’t handle all that well, and some other cars in the game offer quicker acceleration. At least, unlike a Veyron, we might be able to afford it. Well, probably not.
Black Beauty from The Green Hornet
Back in 1966, 20th Century Fox was giddy from the ratings success of its Batman TV series. So as a companion to that show, it decided to revive an old radio series, The Green Hornet, with Van Williams as the Hornet and some guy named Bruce Lee as Kato, his driver. For the Hornet’s car, they approached customizer Dean Jeffries about modifying a pair of new Imperial sedans provided by Chrysler Corporation. Flash forward to 2011 and Seth Rogen decides to dig up The Green Hornet again and about the only thing that carries over from the old TV series is that Black Beauty is once again portrayed by some 1964 to 1966 Imperials. It took 29 Imperials to portray Black Beauty in the film, with some actually equipped with Gatling guns and suicide rear doors and things that look like rockets. Interestingly, that era's Imperial had a reputation of being so stout and indestructible that it was banned by some demolition derbies. And let’s be honest, the coolest thing about the TV version of Black Beauty was the fact that Bruce Lee was driving it.
The Canyonero from The Simpsons
How does the song go? “Twelve yards long, two lanes wide, 65 tons of American pride!” Yeah, this makes two vehicles from The Simpsons on this list. But this is the sport-utility vehicle that’s endorsed by a clown, smells like a steak, and seats 35. Introduced in the ninth season episode "The Last Temptation of Krust," the Canyonero has reappeared several times since then, including in an ad for a hybrid version that gets up to 11 mpg. Why should it be real? Because there’s some squirrel squashin’ and deer smackin’ left to be done.
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